2.26.2008

the lion chaser's manifesto

I wish I could take credit for this, but I can't -- it just kind of inspired me a lot. Try to read it one sentence at a time, think about it, apply it to where you are, and don't you dare read it like it's a forwarded email that you skip over and say "my, that was inspiring." Oh, and everything I'm writing here is directed at myself as well, because if I don't write it down I'll forget and never use it.

"Quit living as if the purpose of life is to arrive safely at death.

Set God-sized goals. Pursue God-ordained passions. Go after a dream that is destined to fail without divine intervention. Keep asking questions. Keep making mistakes. Keep seeking God. Stop pointing out problems and become part of the solution. Stop repeating the past and start creating the future. Stop playing it safe and start taking risks. Expand your horizons. Accumulate experiences. Consider the lilies. Enjoy the journey. Find every excuse you can to celebrate everything you can. Live like today is the first day and last day of your life. Don't let what's wrong with you keep you from worshiping what's right with God. Burn sinful bridges. Blaze a new trail. Criticize by creating. Worry less about what people think and more about what God thinks. Don't try to be who you're not. Be yourself. Laugh at yourself. Quit holding out. Quit holding back. Quit running away.

Chase the lion."

The underlying point for me is this -- God is not supposed to be part of your life. When the reality hits you of what can be accomplished through his power and presence completely consuming every aspect of your life, you'll run after the impossible like there's no tomorrow. Your thoughts will be continually directed toward him. You'll start developing that communion with him that makes every free moment a prayer. You'll dream crazy things and chase them with no other encouragement than the fact that God has called you to do them. You'll believe and you'll inspire and you'll be passionate about the possibilities. You won't shut up about the most unbelievable thing that has ever happened to you -- God chose to use you.

Or you can keep living your life and assume that in a few weeks/months/years, when things slow down, when you aren't so busy trying to _______?_______ , you'll pursue God's heart and let him work through you. Right now it's just inconvenient. Right now you're still working on reading your Bible more, God wants you to be reading 4 chapters a day before he'll speak to you or have any kind of relationship with you. God doesn't use people who are at THIS point in their life. You're not committed enough, you're not wise enough, you don't have it all together, you screw up a lot.

Quit making excuses.

2.24.2008

famous

I know a lot of people who are working hard to become famous.

Or rich, or beautiful, or successful, or whatever.

The reality of it is, the reason I woke up this morning was NOT to further my personal life ambition. I exist today to worship God and make the name of Jesus famous.

Period.

Sure, that's a very compact version of the "purpose of life." Still I am convinced that if I have not done something today that magnifies the God I claim to have devoted my life to, I have wasted another twenty four hours of a very short life that was designed for the glory and pleasure of my Savior.

It sounds like a quaintly self-sacrificial concept, but it's a discipline and an honor and a difficulty and a pleasure to exist for the fame of the one who loves me so deeply that he puts up with my ignorant failures and my stupidity daily just to be close to me.

I want to learn how to do that.

2.21.2008

colorado

I just got back from a really awesome long weekend visiting Josh in Boulder. Random thoughts anyone? Ok, you talked me into it. In no particular order:

* Reliable and abundant public transportation, while as of yet almost entirely unable to sustain itself without government assistance, is a glorious and not-wide-enough-spread thing.

* People are fascinating. Ask them for their story. Really listen. Learn from them if you can, especially if you disagree with them.

* Long distance relationships CAN work even though they're unusual, and you'll end up rich from everyone's two cents but sometimes forcing yourself to put effort into a relationship with another person is the best way to ensure that it gets done.

* Learn from your screw-ups and never get so comfortable with them that they don't bother you as much as they used to. It's only dangerous when you start to care less.

* No matter the church, no matter the style, no matter the speaker, the text, the people, the place, or the music ------- God is God, his word has power, the gospel is effective no matter how you wrap it, and he deserves more honor and worship than I could even begin to express to him. Just because he is. And church is our convenient way of facilitating the worship that should be going on continually in our lives, and maybe we'd focus less on the style of worship on Sundays if we were in the practice of worshiping however God lead us during the other 166 hours of the week. Maybe that's something I'm not always good at.

* Crepes : they're not just for dessert anymore. And they're delicious.

* Good sleep is worth investing in a good mattress. Think about it.

* You will pursue what you are truly passionate about. If you claim to love something but are not motivated to action or if you are apathetic when it comes to that area of your life, you are calling yourself a liar.

* It's kind of fun to be the person at the party that everyone wants to meet. It doesn't happen often.

* I am very, very thankful for a relationship that has helped me become a stronger and more independent person even though we're getting closer to each other. I think that's rare.

* There are a lot of possibilities out there. I want some of them.

2.10.2008

marriage

I've gotten a lot of interesting perspectives on marriage recently -- some good, some really really sad. So here it goes, my list of the best advice I've been given on marriage.

* Love doesn't fix everything.

My marriage is going to be the greatest love affair of my life. If it is supposed to be a mirror of the passionate pursuit of the church by Christ and her response to that love, I would never undermine that significance by settling for comfortable or average. But love in itself will never fix all of your problems. You have to know how to communicate and how to resolve conflict in a healthy way and how to disagree without damaging each other. You have to know which battles are worth it and even when to submit to their opinion when you aren't yet fully convinced. Marriage doesn't make your life less complicated, and being in love doesn't mean you can make it through anything that comes your way on that merit alone. Loving someone enough to spend your life with them means you will have to learn how to actually function with them in it.

* You may want to give up -- don't.

It isn't always gonna be sunsets and red roses, but you made a commitment to love for the rest of your life unconditionally. Do that. Even when you don't feel like it, and even when you don't feel "in love." Love is an action, with a feeling that follows closely behind.

* SERVE them.

Christianity is about putting yourself at the bottom of the totem pole and sacrificing all of yourself for others. That should be done even more emphatically for your spouse, though unfortunately we have this idea that they are the exception.

* Plan.

Know beforehand whether you see eye to eye on important things like finances or children or where you want to live or your faith. Those are not the things you want to discover that you disagree on when you're about to make the decision. And study good marriages of people you respect before attempting it yourself, caring enough about not screwing yours up to put effort into not making their mistakes.

* Open up.

Vulnerability can really suck sometimes, but your marriage won't survive without it. You've become one. Act like it.

* Look to them first.

Marry someone whose opinion and advice you trust more than your own, and then go to them for it before you look somewhere else. Believe them, have faith in their judgment, and pray that God gives them the wisdom you need when you need it so you won't have to compromise your intimacy by reaching outside for help first.

What did I learn? I have wise friends. Who like to talk about their spouses (a good thing I think). I thought I would share their hearts with those who like to read about mine.

2.08.2008

now that i have your attention...

"peculiar..."

Not really something you want to hear from your professor. DEFINITELY not something you want him to say while looking at your first exam. It does makes a good Gmail status though, and yes I'm using it to write a post...

Sometimes it takes doing something wrong to set yourself apart. It took misreading one part of a test problem for me. I guarantee you that man will remember me for the rest of the semester, and now he knows that my brain functions on a slightly alternate (not higher necessarily, but definitely different) level than the rest of the known world. When it comes down to it, I made him laugh -- and people remember things like that. Now no matter what I do, I have his attention just because he has a memorable event to connect to my name and face. If I had just made a simple A on that test, I would be one of 9. Because I can't read correctly, I'm in a category all by myself.

I accidentally slept through a diff-eq test worth 20% of my grade yesterday and cried for the first time when talking to a professor. He laughed at me for awhile before letting me take it in his office that afternoon. That experience was horrific for me at the time -- but now he knows my name. He hadn't even noticed that I wasn't there, but I would be willing to bet that he'll be looking for me next time.

So, here's my point: sometimes it helps to screw up. It makes you an individual and if you are willing to try to get it right next time, most people will have a good amount of sympathy for you. You'll have lots of hilarious stories and probably come out of it having showed people that you ARE capable of what you're trying to do even though you didn't always do it right the first time.

So don't worry when you get it wrong, because you've just created a really great opportunity to get it right next time when you have their attention.


2.03.2008

language

I'm learning American Sign Language.

I don't need language credit, I don't have a Deaf friend/close family member, and as much as I love Ashley (and I do love you my friend) it's definitely not for her benefit. BUT--I can't imagine living in a world where communication is nearly impossible with anyone besides those who make an effort to learn how to speak to you. For some reason that has absolutely captivated my attention and makes me think that this is a tangible way to show ridiculous love to a group of people who are used to being forgotten. I hope that by the time the Deaf ministry at Newspring gets underway, I'll at least be able to have a decent (even if slow) conversation with the people it attracts. If you know me at all, you could probably guess the one thing I'm having the hardest time with:

I have to use few words.

I am fascinated with the English language. I have a great appreciation for the richness of its vocabulary and the enormous variety of ways to express one single idea. Lyrics affect me just as much as music itself, and I adore poetry. I may not always be a fascinating conversationalist in real-time, but when I can sit down and write what I mean I sometimes come up with some good stuf. Clever humor makes me happy. WORDS are beautiful to me.

AND SO-- a language that (by necessity) is simple and essentially exists to get the point across is way off my radar. But it has brought me to this understanding: worship and prayer are a lot like sign language. There is a God who brought time into existence and sings over me as I sleep and has made even the darkest and most terrible things beautiful in their time and I'm supposed to tell him how great he is?? Like the beauty of a melody to a person unable to hear it, I'm trying to express to the captor of my soul how grateful I am for a love that I will never fully understand. I've never experienced anything other than a pale reflection of the glory that defines him. I've never even come close to anything that beautiful or that terrifying or that majestic. I don't know the true meaning of those words and even if I did, they wouldn't be enough. And I can say that, but I can't comprehend that.

The best I can do is this: God there aren't words. You have not given me a language that is big enough to encompass you. All of creation screams your greatness and though it falls far short, we cannot even comprehend that. So in place of words, I will exist to thank you. With your help and guidance and patience, I will pour out myself in service to you every day I am allowed to draw a breath. Father not my will, but YOURS be done.