things I don't understand (part two)

Why are we girls so mortally afraid of learning how to drive a manual-transmission vehicle?

I don't remember why I decided to buy my first car before I could drive it. Mom had to test drive it for me, and she hadn't tried in quite a while so we had a few good laughs. Maybe I wanted to be cool because I would be a girl with a stick shift. Maybe it was the challenge. Maybe I was stupid. Whatever my reason was, it turned out to be a really good idea.

I cannot even begin to count how many of my friends have gotten in my car and made some comment very similar to "I'm impressed. I could never drive this!"

WHY NOT? Ok, I'll admit--I cried after my first lesson. But that was only because I was afraid I had just bought a car I would never be able to drive. THAT'S scary. And the only reason I didn't get it the first time was because my dad wanted me to be able to balance the car on a hill before I even knew how to move in a lateral direction like "forward." My poor new car reacted to my fear by stalling. Often.

I reacted to my fear by crying.

So, for all of my female friends out there (and the guys too, you're not alone), I would like to give you my favorite reasons why I think you should learn how to drive my car:

1) While the helpless girl image works for us most of the time, you have to admit that it's a lot of fun to know what you're doing. Especially if your male friends don't.

2) It's a lot of fun. Seriously. I hope I always have a stick shift. I really really like driving it.

3) If you are ever on a road trip with me and I die or am seriously injured, I would like to think that you could get me home or to a hospital. Or if I need to sleep/not drive any more, I can do that too (which is the more likely of those situations).

4) Your transmission lasts longer. Basically, and I won't take long on this, you are changing the gears instead of your car having to try on its own. Which means those parts won't wear out nearly as quickly.

5) You use less gas. I don't know enough about it to talk about it without sounding stupid, so I won't try. But I like that I use less gas. May I recommend also that you get a small car, and get a Honda. Both gas-savers. Thus, I have a small Honda with a manual transmission in my driveway.

6) It's really NOT as hard as we've made it out to be. Once you get used to it, you really don't even think about it. I'm at the point where I can be on the phone, eating lunch, and driving all at once. I don't recommend it, but it's possible.

7) Did I mention it's fun?

I have spent the last 6 months or more in complete awe of the group of friends I have been blessed with at Clemson. And I mean it..."awe" is the only word I have for it. I am constantly surrounded by what I can only describe as the most encouraging, loving, dedicated, inspired, inspiring, and unique group of people on the face of the planet. I have never felt more secure in the support system I have than I do now. I could take any question, any problem, or any dream to them and feel 108% confident that they would support me and help me in any way they could. I have had several ideas even since we've left school for the summer that have been tweaked and expanded and prayed over and adopted enthusiastically--and I have had the amazing opportunity to hear their ideas and their hearts that speak so much louder than of the words they use.

And so, because I tend to ask too many questions, I had to ask...

WHY?

And one of the answers kind of scares/excites me.

I have never seen God do something that didn't have a purpose. And I don't believe that something this amazing exists just to encourage me, even though it does. I have to believe that, given the amazing talent and passion and compassion that I see in each of these people, that we are here for each other because there is coming a time when we will absolutely depend on each other for our survival (or sanity).

We've talked a lot about changing our campus before we leave. We're all involved in ministry, somehow and somewhere. We honestly believe that we have a huge task ahead of us, and instead of being intimidated we're EXCITED. If you talked to them like I do, you'd understand. They're serious about this stuff. And over the years I've come to realize that when God does something huge, it's hard. It comes from hours and hours of prayer, from selfless dedication and difficult changes. Things that are hard even for a close and encouraging and supportive group to deal with, but sometimes nearly destructive for a person without such help. I can honestly see that with what we want to get into in the next few years, we'll need help.

That's what God does...I've seen it over and over again. He prepares us ahead of time for things that we can't even imagine yet.

Before we even begin, He makes it possible.

quote of the week (the first of probably many)

My favorite quote of the week:

“We serve the one true living God.” They sounded really excited about that.

Ok. I do too. But do I even know what that means? I’m not quite sure.

SERVE: We are the servants. We find our purpose through honest humility and recognition of our weaknesses and limitations before our loving Master. We don’t call the shots, but we trust and serve the one who does.

ONE: The single source of truth. His words are our guide, and nothing is exclusively true unless He says so.

TRUE: Trustworthy. Ultimate. Perfect. Beyond mortal comprehension.

LIVING: When something is dead, it is set in stone. Almost everything about it can be explained and understood. A living thing can be a mystery, an unknown, an exploration. It can bring life to other things. It is, by it’s very nature, vital and in motion. When something dies, it stops moving (on various levels). It remains, at best, exactly as it was the moment it died. God is alive; He is eternally the same, but He is not confined to the box He is occasionally presumed to be buried in.

GOD: I don’t think we’ve arrived, or ever will arrive, at a place in human knowledge where I can begin to write a sentence about the enormous reality behind what we can only label “God.” That’s the best word we’ve come up with, and when asked for a name He just replied “I am.” It doesn’t seem like He expects us to wrap our mortal minds around it anytime soon.

And so, I’m afraid I’ve turned that sentence too many times into something it was never intended to mean. We are so convinced of the “one true living God” as WE understand Him that we become arrogant and exclusive unless we find others who agree with our understanding, when we become twice as exclusive because our views are validated. There IS truth, and God is it. When He tells us something (or writes the book—which He did), we can trust it to be true. But lest I forget, God has never authorized me to corner the market on Him—I’m serving Him. If God wanted to just explain Himself so that there would be no further need for exploration into who He is, He would’ve done so. And yet, there are so many questions left, and so many ways in which we still must rely on God to even understand the God we’re relying on. He has this wonderful tendency to reveal Himself and His truth to those who are humbly seeking it, not in their own understanding. “Lean not on your own understanding, but in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path.” We try so hard to understand, when our understanding is fallible and impermanent. We have only to truly want Him and He will take care of the directing of the paths.

things I don't understand (part one)

LOVE.

I don't understand the first thing about it. It's the most familiar concept in the world--it's one of the few universal needs, something that everyone craves and suffers significantly without. Shouldn't we be able to understand it a little better then? In the thousands of years of human existence, with billions of people relying on it daily, surely we have a really good and practical understanding of love.

Nope. I don't at least.

I don't know why God in His infinite wisdom chose to create us with a need to be deeply loved by the people close to us, for companionship with other human beings. I don't really understand when you are to first recognize that you are in love, nor do I completely get what it means to truly love someone. But I really don't think I'm supposed to. Learning is a relationship-building process, and when you make the effort to learn how to love someone better, you realize that they are truly worth that effort (or not, depending on the situation I suppose).

When I started thinking about what I don't understand about love (and by that I mean the "romantic" type, not the general command of God =] ), I thought maybe the best way to figure out how I look at it personally is to look at what I hear when someone tells me "I love you." Or maybe even better, what I want to be able to hear. So this is my personal translation.

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I LOVE YOU.

I respect you. I know a lot about who you are and how you think and what you value, and I respect your opinions and your judgment because of it.

I am committed to you. I believe that God has a plan for us and that we are in His will, even if we don’t know exactly what that plan is yet. I don’t take this lightly, and I believe that there is potential in our relationship. You are important to me.

I am proud of you. I’m proud to be with you. I’m proud of who you are, and I believe in you and in your dreams.

I trust you. I know that we will both make mistakes and probably let each other down at some point, but it's because we are human. You can still trust me.

I value your friendship. I don’t just see you as a girlfriend, I see you as a close friend that I can talk to and count on.

I am a better person because of you. We are helping each other and encouraging each other in the right direction, not dragging each other down. I want you to be a stronger and more confident person because of our relationship. I want both of us to live full lives, including what we do when we're not together.

I don't expect this to be easy. Nothing important is easy. Nothing worth any amount of effort requires just a little bit of it. I won't let go just because it isn't easy.

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So, that probably isn't all of it. But that's the general idea...and maybe I assume too much in that one idea. But I would rather set my expectations high and be disappointed in a few small ways with what I get than to set the bar too low and end up with something that will be totally disappointing. I don't expect perfection by any means, but I do want someone to have the right intentions before I allow myself to become emotionally involved to that extent. Maybe I do expect too much. But it's better than the way we've watered love down, where we actually believe that it can exist without most of the things above. I'd rather expect too much.