language

I'm learning American Sign Language.

I don't need language credit, I don't have a Deaf friend/close family member, and as much as I love Ashley (and I do love you my friend) it's definitely not for her benefit. BUT--I can't imagine living in a world where communication is nearly impossible with anyone besides those who make an effort to learn how to speak to you. For some reason that has absolutely captivated my attention and makes me think that this is a tangible way to show ridiculous love to a group of people who are used to being forgotten. I hope that by the time the Deaf ministry at Newspring gets underway, I'll at least be able to have a decent (even if slow) conversation with the people it attracts. If you know me at all, you could probably guess the one thing I'm having the hardest time with:

I have to use few words.

I am fascinated with the English language. I have a great appreciation for the richness of its vocabulary and the enormous variety of ways to express one single idea. Lyrics affect me just as much as music itself, and I adore poetry. I may not always be a fascinating conversationalist in real-time, but when I can sit down and write what I mean I sometimes come up with some good stuf. Clever humor makes me happy. WORDS are beautiful to me.

AND SO-- a language that (by necessity) is simple and essentially exists to get the point across is way off my radar. But it has brought me to this understanding: worship and prayer are a lot like sign language. There is a God who brought time into existence and sings over me as I sleep and has made even the darkest and most terrible things beautiful in their time and I'm supposed to tell him how great he is?? Like the beauty of a melody to a person unable to hear it, I'm trying to express to the captor of my soul how grateful I am for a love that I will never fully understand. I've never experienced anything other than a pale reflection of the glory that defines him. I've never even come close to anything that beautiful or that terrifying or that majestic. I don't know the true meaning of those words and even if I did, they wouldn't be enough. And I can say that, but I can't comprehend that.

The best I can do is this: God there aren't words. You have not given me a language that is big enough to encompass you. All of creation screams your greatness and though it falls far short, we cannot even comprehend that. So in place of words, I will exist to thank you. With your help and guidance and patience, I will pour out myself in service to you every day I am allowed to draw a breath. Father not my will, but YOURS be done.