witness ("one who dies for what they believe")

Jesus said that we would be His witnesses, thanks to the power of the Holy Spirit. Check it out...it's the last thing Jesus tells his disciples before he goes back to heaven in the beginning of Acts. I cannot and would not like to count how many times I have heard the phrase "hurting your witness" in reference to (basically) publicly screwing up. I know people who have seriously considered giving up trying to live for God because they knew that every nonbeliever around them saw them lose their temper or talk about somebody or just fail to be "good." What if there's something a little less condemning about that whole situation?

Disclaimer (I use these a lot) : I believe that we are called to be set apart. I believe that God meant it when He commanded us to be holy as He is holy. I believe that every person who knows I am a Christ-follower looks at me with a certain degree of expectation.

BUT.

I also believe that Jesus knew who He was talking to when He sent out His witnesses. He had to know that by sending them out, He was advertising a group of imperfect and ultimately flawed human beings as his disciples. He had to know that when the rest of the world looked at them, there would be times when they wouldn't exactly look like Him. And He told them to go anyway.

We are sent out as witnesses of Jesus. Of who He is and what He has done to radically change our lives. Of the fundamental call to sacrifice and personal death that IS the Christian life. So when we go out into the "world" and claim the name of Jesus, what if the whole point is to show them that grace is attainable? What the heck is so attractive about perfection if you know you wouldn't ever be perfect? If we stay comfortably inside our stained-glass walls and never live a real life in front of anyone, hide our imperfections and refuse to admit that we're a work in progress, I genuinely don't believe anyone would want to be in our shoes.

Why? Because every one of us knows that perfection is not human. A non-believer (assuming said non-believer is fully human) might just be more attracted to the idea of grace than you think. So if you fall somewhere humiliatingly short of holiness like me, and have the same really annoying tendency to do so quite obviously to the rest of the world, USE that. When you honestly admit to them that you are nothing more than a fellow sinner, saved and covered by Jesus' blood, Christianity might seem just a little more possible. We are all wretched if you remove that salvation/mercy thing. It doesn't mean that we aren't trying our best to please God, it just means that we have the humility to admit it when we are wrong instead of beating ourselves up about it.

Be Jesus' witness. If necessary, be a really good example of God's grace to the wretched.

grace, for example...

reposted by request...

To be the person you once though you'd always like to be
To finally understand that who you are is so much further from what you thought you wanted
That its better this way
That this is what you were called to, while still being called away home.

It's the hardest decision I'll ever make—to trust, to die, to fall, to hope, to rest, to dream, to leave everything I know and everything I want for what I don't know and don't understand.

Try it once, it'll terrify you. Don't worry, it'll be ok.

I've cried too many times over what I've chased on my own, and lost in favor of something better I never noticed. I'm slowing down and waiting now, living without the walls I put up not to keep anything out but to keep myself in.

I was told that at times you just need to be held and told that you're beautiful. I was afraid of that because it meant too much trust, it was too selfish, it was too vulnerable and too much like what I longed for and so it couldn't be real. But I'm learning how to allow myself to rest in the arms of Christ. I know it sounds cliché and old and overused. But have you tried it? There is a world of truth in what we ignore out of familiarity. Grace, for example…even love…

Have you ever been told you were beautiful when you felt like you were something—anything—else? Have you ever stopped long enough to question how you got here or why you have what you don't and can't and won't ever deserve? Have you ever refused to see in yourself what someone else has seen because you think you know who you are? Take time…and yes it means actual resting, taking real time out…to rest, and reevaluate, and not find yourself but find your King. You'll never know who you are until you hear Him whisper in your ear and tell you what you mean to Him, and to hear that the one who knows you better than you'll ever know yourself is enthralled with your beauty.

Trust me when I say that it will make you want to be beautiful. It will make you long for the grace and help so freely given to be what you never dreamed possible. Not for yourself…but for the One who actually cared enough to tell you--remind you--who you are. There's something about knowing His expectations for you that makes you realize that you aren't where you should be, but that the true desire of your heart is to live wholly in pursuit of His approval.

in case I've never told you...

If there's one thing I've noticed about the desperation of the people around me, it is that most of it is concentrated in the church. We who have in our posession the hope of nations, the most miraculous and redeeming truth that has ever lit up this world, we who have been called a royal priesthood and a chosen generation, we have lost sight of the hope that lies within us. Not only is it available to us, it is within us, alive and powerful. God's salvation has rescued His church, which turns around and runs right back out into the mud it was pulled out of.

In case you have found yourself disillusioned with not just A church, but THE church, please understand that I'm with you. For everything I've seen, I remain an idealistic dreamer at heart. With that comes great disappointment at times, because nothing of this world is ideal. Nothing composed of humans is ideal, hence the church itself falls far from my expectations much of the time.

For all of you, several close friends of mine and maybe those whom I will never know, who may have given up on God's church, let me plead with you for a moment. My hope is in the everlasting God, my refuge and my strength. If my hope were in the institution of the church and it's fidelity, yes I'd give it up. First one out the door. But if you will, return to the cross and ask yourself if what that horribly beautiful image represents is worth placing your hope in. I promise you it is. And if that is the case, keep your heart fixed on your Savior and follow the docrine you find in the pages of His love letter to you. How can you go wrong?

I'm learning slowly how to be "constructively disillusioned." Sometimes I forget the importance of God comparing the church to His bride; He is faithfully devoted to her and loves her even when she is unfaithful. Her mistakes hurt Him deeply, but He restores her. Instead of finding fault in what we've become and judging each other for our collective mistakes, it's about time we united a world of churches into the church and gently but firmly restored one another. I think there are many times when God allows us to see problems, even experience the hurt that comes with them, with the intention of using us to voice the solution. Instead, we internalize our pain and become frustrated with our brothers and sisters. Lest I forget, I am not a large enough part to be sufficient if I cut myself off from the rest of the body. I need you, not just to be there and help me, but to survive. I need you whether you're perfect or not. I need you whether I agree with your theology or not.

In short (because I know you were wanting that instead of all of the above...get over it :D ) , I think I'm remembering why I fell in love with Jesus. And THAT gives me a lot of hope in His church.

so....I haven't done this in awhile?

I miss writing. It took several people and much deliberation before I was finally convinced that I need to do this occasionally :) I realized recently that I write much much better than I speak, maybe because I have time to think about it and I can always change it until it sounds the way I want it too--either way, it's not like I have any career aspirations for this or anything like that. But I do like it.

You know what else I miss? People! Several have moved away, many are just not with me either just for the time being or for the summer. I miss my family back home: and by home I mean Clemson. I look back at the girl who moved boxes and boxes of books and socks and hair products and whatever else into her first dorm room last fall, and the girl who moved those same things out a few weeks ago is very different. What I consider home is completely different. The more people I talk to about it, the more I realize that too many of my friends are surprised by how much they've changed. I'm GLAD I'm different, and I was waiting for it.

I'm not where I want to be, but then again who is? I'm a little torn between wishing I knew then what I know now and yet still understanding what a beautiful thing this year has been. Most of the time I'm sure that many of the things that have changed about me have gone unnoticed to everyone but me, because it's my perspectives that have changed. I can't say that I know what I want out of life, but I do know that I would rather not know where I'm going now; I'm learning how much more amazing it is to allow God to leave you blindfolded.

I'm a hand-holder for sure. I will never know why, but it's a comfort issue. It means something to me. Like my 13-year-old good friend once told me, "Anybody can kiss you. Only somebody who really likes you will hold your hand; you can still talk to them that way." Ok I'll admit when she said that I laughed, but I have to give her a lot of credit. She's a smart cookie. So the image of God allowing me to cling to His hand is beautiful to me, because it means that when I fall I have a hand to help me up; when I cry I have a hand to wipe away my tears; when I need guidance, I have only to trust where that hand is leading me. And I always, in any situation, can slide my hand into His and know that I am deeply loved.

I feel like I'm always learning how to fall in love. Like God is teaching me how to love Him. And it makes sense; true love is not an emotion, it is, among other things, a constant effort to learn how that person needs you to care for them. The best way to find out how they need to be loved is to learn that individual inside and out. If our relationships are supposed to be a reflection of the many different ways God loves us, doesn't it make sense that we can learn over and over again how to fall more deeply in love with Him just by knowing Him better?

I think I've thought enough for one night...goodnight to all of you, I love you :)