things I don't understand (part one)

LOVE.

I don't understand the first thing about it. It's the most familiar concept in the world--it's one of the few universal needs, something that everyone craves and suffers significantly without. Shouldn't we be able to understand it a little better then? In the thousands of years of human existence, with billions of people relying on it daily, surely we have a really good and practical understanding of love.

Nope. I don't at least.

I don't know why God in His infinite wisdom chose to create us with a need to be deeply loved by the people close to us, for companionship with other human beings. I don't really understand when you are to first recognize that you are in love, nor do I completely get what it means to truly love someone. But I really don't think I'm supposed to. Learning is a relationship-building process, and when you make the effort to learn how to love someone better, you realize that they are truly worth that effort (or not, depending on the situation I suppose).

When I started thinking about what I don't understand about love (and by that I mean the "romantic" type, not the general command of God =] ), I thought maybe the best way to figure out how I look at it personally is to look at what I hear when someone tells me "I love you." Or maybe even better, what I want to be able to hear. So this is my personal translation.

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I LOVE YOU.

I respect you. I know a lot about who you are and how you think and what you value, and I respect your opinions and your judgment because of it.

I am committed to you. I believe that God has a plan for us and that we are in His will, even if we don’t know exactly what that plan is yet. I don’t take this lightly, and I believe that there is potential in our relationship. You are important to me.

I am proud of you. I’m proud to be with you. I’m proud of who you are, and I believe in you and in your dreams.

I trust you. I know that we will both make mistakes and probably let each other down at some point, but it's because we are human. You can still trust me.

I value your friendship. I don’t just see you as a girlfriend, I see you as a close friend that I can talk to and count on.

I am a better person because of you. We are helping each other and encouraging each other in the right direction, not dragging each other down. I want you to be a stronger and more confident person because of our relationship. I want both of us to live full lives, including what we do when we're not together.

I don't expect this to be easy. Nothing important is easy. Nothing worth any amount of effort requires just a little bit of it. I won't let go just because it isn't easy.

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So, that probably isn't all of it. But that's the general idea...and maybe I assume too much in that one idea. But I would rather set my expectations high and be disappointed in a few small ways with what I get than to set the bar too low and end up with something that will be totally disappointing. I don't expect perfection by any means, but I do want someone to have the right intentions before I allow myself to become emotionally involved to that extent. Maybe I do expect too much. But it's better than the way we've watered love down, where we actually believe that it can exist without most of the things above. I'd rather expect too much.