"No, I promise it happened just like that! I remember, I can picture it right now..."
I've done it. You probably have too. Nobody remembers your conversations or escapades quite like you do. You have an unusual capacity for recalling exactly how it happened.
Did you know that you are totally wrong?
If your brain stored every detail of every memory you ever had, you would be overloaded with information. So instead, to save space, your brain ingeniously edits events and stores what it considers to be important details for you to recall when you need them. And then, when you need that memory, your brain reconstructs what happened around those few important details that were stored in their entirety. It fills in the rest, and it tends to fill it in slighly differently than you'd like. Basically, your brain guesses--usually it guesses pretty well. Sometimes it doesn't.
Read Stumbling on Happiness. Great book. It will make you think twice before you use your own memory in an argument =]
7.20.2007
the american dream
I think one of the most telling things about our culture is the constant insistence on the "American dream."
You know--the two story house, 2.6 kids, floppy-eared family dog, happy husband/loving wife, and secure job (all of which your next-door neighbor will hopefully be envious of you for, because that makes it so much better). But does it really have anything to do with how many kids you have enclosed in your white picket fence? I really think we put that idea on such a pedestal because we genuinely think that if only we can achieve a certain standard, we would be happy. Or at least happier. That somehow our problems would disappear if things were different, instead of understanding that those problems would probably follow us no matter what house we lived in unless we deal with them. We think more money, less risk, and more stuff would keep us living in bliss for years.
I want to be challenged. I want to try everything and figure out how it works. I want to change something besides the color of my dining room every few years. I want every day to be different than the day before it. I don't want to always know how tomorrow is going to turn out. I want to appreciate people and surround myself with friends who will push me. I don't know that I would mind a little risk in my life, because maybe it has nothing to do with what situation you find yourself in so much as who you find yourself with.
I want appreciate life and find happiness in the strangest places.
You know--the two story house, 2.6 kids, floppy-eared family dog, happy husband/loving wife, and secure job (all of which your next-door neighbor will hopefully be envious of you for, because that makes it so much better). But does it really have anything to do with how many kids you have enclosed in your white picket fence? I really think we put that idea on such a pedestal because we genuinely think that if only we can achieve a certain standard, we would be happy. Or at least happier. That somehow our problems would disappear if things were different, instead of understanding that those problems would probably follow us no matter what house we lived in unless we deal with them. We think more money, less risk, and more stuff would keep us living in bliss for years.
I want to be challenged. I want to try everything and figure out how it works. I want to change something besides the color of my dining room every few years. I want every day to be different than the day before it. I don't want to always know how tomorrow is going to turn out. I want to appreciate people and surround myself with friends who will push me. I don't know that I would mind a little risk in my life, because maybe it has nothing to do with what situation you find yourself in so much as who you find yourself with.
I want appreciate life and find happiness in the strangest places.
7.12.2007
relationship advice (don't worry, i'm not really giving you any)
I'm glad most of my female friends read these. Most of them aren't really all that interesting if you're a boy, I'm sure. Sorry about that.
There is not "standard relationship advice." There isn't. I promise. Similarities and basic principles, yes. But basic principles tend to be just that, and they show up in different ways in different relationships.
People are different. When you put unique people together, you get a unique combination of personalities and interests and needs that really has to be explored and figured out at that point. My schedule, my concerns, my history, my passions aren't yours. Some things are more important to me than they are to others, and some are less. Even if you truly get over things that have happened to you in the past, those things affect what you will look for in the future. Things I can tell you with certainty that I need in a relationship when I'm single might actually be...you guessed it...WRONG. (I'll wait for the shock-and-awe effect to clear =] ). But heck, you might really like those ideas that I had a while ago that aren't all that important to me any more. What works for me probably won't make you all that happy. Because we're all really different. And that's really good.
Maybe I'll get my list back out one day and share it. I do have a list, and I like it--it's a good one.
For me.
There are things on it that I would recommend to anybody...and some that I know are absolutely not going to be compromised in my future relationship(s), though they might not matter at all in yours. Whatever your list ends up looking like, understand that a lot of the effort in your relationship will probably go into figuring out (with that person) what success looks like for the two of you--how your individual personalities work best with one another. In any event, understand that it will take effort.
There is not "standard relationship advice." There isn't. I promise. Similarities and basic principles, yes. But basic principles tend to be just that, and they show up in different ways in different relationships.
People are different. When you put unique people together, you get a unique combination of personalities and interests and needs that really has to be explored and figured out at that point. My schedule, my concerns, my history, my passions aren't yours. Some things are more important to me than they are to others, and some are less. Even if you truly get over things that have happened to you in the past, those things affect what you will look for in the future. Things I can tell you with certainty that I need in a relationship when I'm single might actually be...you guessed it...WRONG. (I'll wait for the shock-and-awe effect to clear =] ). But heck, you might really like those ideas that I had a while ago that aren't all that important to me any more. What works for me probably won't make you all that happy. Because we're all really different. And that's really good.
Maybe I'll get my list back out one day and share it. I do have a list, and I like it--it's a good one.
For me.
There are things on it that I would recommend to anybody...and some that I know are absolutely not going to be compromised in my future relationship(s), though they might not matter at all in yours. Whatever your list ends up looking like, understand that a lot of the effort in your relationship will probably go into figuring out (with that person) what success looks like for the two of you--how your individual personalities work best with one another. In any event, understand that it will take effort.
7.09.2007
genealogy
Today I finally figured out a few things I've never understood, and I thought I'd share because I've never met anyone who knew.
Cousins
The people we have always called our cousins (aunt or uncle's children) are first cousins. They are in your generation and don't share your parents, but they do share your grandparents. Second cousins are those who are in your generation and don't share your grandparents but do share your great-grandparents (one of your grandparents was the sibling of one of their grandparents). I'm sure you can keep going with the third, fourth, etc.
What the heck does "removed" mean?
"Removed" means you go up one generation. For example, your "first cousin once removed" could be your mother's first cousin. Your "grandmother once removed" could technically be your father's grandmother, and your great-grandmother. Your "uncle twice removed" could be your grandfather's uncle.
I also learned that it is spelled "geneAlogy" and not "geneOlogy." Who knew.
Cousins
The people we have always called our cousins (aunt or uncle's children) are first cousins. They are in your generation and don't share your parents, but they do share your grandparents. Second cousins are those who are in your generation and don't share your grandparents but do share your great-grandparents (one of your grandparents was the sibling of one of their grandparents). I'm sure you can keep going with the third, fourth, etc.
What the heck does "removed" mean?
"Removed" means you go up one generation. For example, your "first cousin once removed" could be your mother's first cousin. Your "grandmother once removed" could technically be your father's grandmother, and your great-grandmother. Your "uncle twice removed" could be your grandfather's uncle.
I also learned that it is spelled "geneAlogy" and not "geneOlogy." Who knew.
lessons
What my kids won’t have to learn the hard way, thanks to me:
If your big brother doesn’t like it when you tag along but you decide to do it anyway, don’t be surprised when he doesn’t want to come back and help you right away if you fall and break your arm.
If you live near the woods and you are playing hide-and-seek on some warm summer night, try not to lie in tall weeds for too long. You’ll regret your decision for days as you bathe in anti-itch cream.
If your cat dies and you need to bury him (especially if it’s Thanksgiving, and after dark, and it’s freezing cold and raining outside, and your parents aren’t home), try not to dig the hole near the edge of your property; that’s usually where the power or cable lines are. For your second hole, a good choice is also NOT right behind the tool shed, since all of those light bulbs and power tools need some sort of electricity and that means…more power lines. Sometimes things happen that might need to stay quiet for a few years for personal safety reasons.
Become friends with the lady down the street with the pony.
Shoes and socks are overrated. Except when it’s snowing.
Don’t ever let the ice cream truck (especially if it’s the first one you’ve ever seen) leave without making a purchase, even if the driver promises to come back. You probably won’t ever get the chance again. Be careful who you trust, kid, you might get burned. (Does that sound too bitter? I’m not bitter. I mean it was just ice cream, right? *sigh* )
The trash that hasn’t been taken out in weeks will be emptied the day you accidentally throw away something you desperately need.
The five-second rule on fallen edibles does not apply in all situations. Use wisdom.
That said, the five-second rule is a perfectly acceptable rule.
Kindergarten is not a good time in your life to attempt a relationship with a foreigner. He won’t have much of a choice if his parents decide to move back to France, leaving your tender little heart in pieces.
You really can’t dive into the shallow end of the pool. It always seems like a better idea before you try it than it will immediately afterwards.
Never leave for school without shoes, assuming you left them in the car and you can put them on while waiting to get through the drop-off line at school. You didn’t, and you can’t.
---------
I think my chances of raising some fairly well-adjusted children are looking good.
If your big brother doesn’t like it when you tag along but you decide to do it anyway, don’t be surprised when he doesn’t want to come back and help you right away if you fall and break your arm.
If you live near the woods and you are playing hide-and-seek on some warm summer night, try not to lie in tall weeds for too long. You’ll regret your decision for days as you bathe in anti-itch cream.
If your cat dies and you need to bury him (especially if it’s Thanksgiving, and after dark, and it’s freezing cold and raining outside, and your parents aren’t home), try not to dig the hole near the edge of your property; that’s usually where the power or cable lines are. For your second hole, a good choice is also NOT right behind the tool shed, since all of those light bulbs and power tools need some sort of electricity and that means…more power lines. Sometimes things happen that might need to stay quiet for a few years for personal safety reasons.
Become friends with the lady down the street with the pony.
Shoes and socks are overrated. Except when it’s snowing.
Don’t ever let the ice cream truck (especially if it’s the first one you’ve ever seen) leave without making a purchase, even if the driver promises to come back. You probably won’t ever get the chance again. Be careful who you trust, kid, you might get burned. (Does that sound too bitter? I’m not bitter. I mean it was just ice cream, right? *sigh* )
The trash that hasn’t been taken out in weeks will be emptied the day you accidentally throw away something you desperately need.
The five-second rule on fallen edibles does not apply in all situations. Use wisdom.
That said, the five-second rule is a perfectly acceptable rule.
Kindergarten is not a good time in your life to attempt a relationship with a foreigner. He won’t have much of a choice if his parents decide to move back to France, leaving your tender little heart in pieces.
You really can’t dive into the shallow end of the pool. It always seems like a better idea before you try it than it will immediately afterwards.
Never leave for school without shoes, assuming you left them in the car and you can put them on while waiting to get through the drop-off line at school. You didn’t, and you can’t.
---------
I think my chances of raising some fairly well-adjusted children are looking good.
7.06.2007
disappointment
If you want to be disappointed, you will be.
If you go into something trying to find the bad, you'll find it. If you don't trust someone enough to believe what they tell you and you try to find out otherwise, you'll probably find reasons not to trust them (even if those reasons are not real). If you're expecting to fail, you have no incentive to be excellent in what you're attempting--and you're probably twice as likely to fail. If you're just waiting to be offended or hurt, you won't have to wait long because you'll take offense to everything.
Never go into anything, whether it's a project, a relationship, or something as simple as waking up in the morning, with an expectation of being disappointed. Disappointment is inevitable, but that doesn't mean you have to be waiting on it.
Look at everything and everyone with the intention of finding the positive. You probably will.
If you go into something trying to find the bad, you'll find it. If you don't trust someone enough to believe what they tell you and you try to find out otherwise, you'll probably find reasons not to trust them (even if those reasons are not real). If you're expecting to fail, you have no incentive to be excellent in what you're attempting--and you're probably twice as likely to fail. If you're just waiting to be offended or hurt, you won't have to wait long because you'll take offense to everything.
Never go into anything, whether it's a project, a relationship, or something as simple as waking up in the morning, with an expectation of being disappointed. Disappointment is inevitable, but that doesn't mean you have to be waiting on it.
Look at everything and everyone with the intention of finding the positive. You probably will.
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