lessons

What my kids won’t have to learn the hard way, thanks to me:

If your big brother doesn’t like it when you tag along but you decide to do it anyway, don’t be surprised when he doesn’t want to come back and help you right away if you fall and break your arm.

If you live near the woods and you are playing hide-and-seek on some warm summer night, try not to lie in tall weeds for too long. You’ll regret your decision for days as you bathe in anti-itch cream.

If your cat dies and you need to bury him (especially if it’s Thanksgiving, and after dark, and it’s freezing cold and raining outside, and your parents aren’t home), try not to dig the hole near the edge of your property; that’s usually where the power or cable lines are. For your second hole, a good choice is also NOT right behind the tool shed, since all of those light bulbs and power tools need some sort of electricity and that means…more power lines. Sometimes things happen that might need to stay quiet for a few years for personal safety reasons.

Become friends with the lady down the street with the pony.

Shoes and socks are overrated. Except when it’s snowing.

Don’t ever let the ice cream truck (especially if it’s the first one you’ve ever seen) leave without making a purchase, even if the driver promises to come back. You probably won’t ever get the chance again. Be careful who you trust, kid, you might get burned. (Does that sound too bitter? I’m not bitter. I mean it was just ice cream, right? *sigh* )

The trash that hasn’t been taken out in weeks will be emptied the day you accidentally throw away something you desperately need.

The five-second rule on fallen edibles does not apply in all situations. Use wisdom.

That said, the five-second rule is a perfectly acceptable rule.

Kindergarten is not a good time in your life to attempt a relationship with a foreigner. He won’t have much of a choice if his parents decide to move back to France, leaving your tender little heart in pieces.

You really can’t dive into the shallow end of the pool. It always seems like a better idea before you try it than it will immediately afterwards.

Never leave for school without shoes, assuming you left them in the car and you can put them on while waiting to get through the drop-off line at school. You didn’t, and you can’t.

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I think my chances of raising some fairly well-adjusted children are looking good.